When I wrote my post Reality? I didn’t think there would be a second part to it…
However, there is.
We’re living in the midst of a battle.
It’s for our lives… and every day, we struggle with hunger for God… fighting the devil to give God control of our minds…
There’s irrational fear of being hurt… of needles and hospitals… forgetting where I really am – safe in God’s arms.
Every day there’s the pain of failing again and again.
I’m a perfectionist. Even the smallest failure hurts really badly… be it in school or in life. I so often get fed up with other people’s short comings and wonder why… and then sit on my bed longing for heaven.
I have lots of fear in my life… and a lot of it is somewhat irrational. Honestly, why should I fear needles and hospitals? They’re here to help… not hurt me. I get hot and sweaty whenever I think about going into the hospital. sometimes I’ve ended up throwing up. This fear almost held me back from going to India.
I hate it. I hate imperfection, I hate fear.
I hate this reality I’m living in.
How can I even think about helping others when I am so lost?
I guess that’s where God’s grace and power come in. It helps with imperfection… and I know it should help with fear – could you pray I’d give my fears to Him? If I’ve given Him my life, that means I’m letting Him do as He pleases with it… fear is saying no to this.
Don’t follow me… I am lost, too.