Just thinking.

I think you all know how I’ve been dealing with fear.
This summer is going to be a great one for getting rid of fear. Fear of being on my own, fear of meeting new people, fear of failing in one way or another… as I asked Sarah to pray for me the other day, I said something about my perfectionism. And at first she said, “So, then, pray for you that you won’t be a perfectionist?” And I said, “No… I think striving for excellence is a good thing. But maybe pray that I wouldn’t fear failure.”

Anyways… Erik, thank you so so so much for the scripture… it helps more than you know, brother, especially the second half of the verse – … covers both fear and perfectionism. 🙂 Thank you.
Then a conversation with Philip about independence… and the fear that may accompany it.
I honestly think God’s really trying to speak to me about fear. Cuz then at Church, the sermon was on fear. I think the best part was at the end, when Pastor F. quoted a saying,
“Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered. No one was there.”
And it’s working. 🙂 But I think irrational fear is the hardest kind to overcome.
He’s great.

Good quotes on fear –
“True courage is not never being afraid. It is refusing to allow fear to control your actions.” – Gregg Harris.
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” – Corrie Ten Boom.
“If the day ends in what seems failure, don’t fret. Tell Him you’re sorry. Even so, don’t be discouraged. All discouragement is of the devil.” – Amy Carmichael.
“Love takes off masks we fear we cannot live without and we know we cannot live within.” -James Baldwin

Sometimes it feels like I wouldn’t be able to live without my fears… that I wouldn’t be me without my quietness and silence…
Yet I long to be like Christ…
Life is tough sometimes. But this week God helped me put my 2 biggest struggles into one bucket. Though the 3rd struggle, somewhat less dominant comes when I’m NOT being a perfectionist, and then I feel somewhat proud of what I’ve accomplished.
I guess we just can’t win on this earth… but God’s already won. 🙂

My times sitting and talking with God have been somewhat distant recently… I haven’t been doing a very good job of talking to Him. Sometimes I wish He were more tangible, like Aslan in the Chronicles of Narnia… especially this picture.

This was a very fun week. 🙂 Somewhat boring from time to time, and somewhat less productive than I’m used to. And no, summer break is not an excuse.
Thursday was the best… Sarah and I got together to talk after Nate and Candace’s music lessons, and then we hung out until almost Midnight. We watched the video of DAA’s talent show, and then some of the San Antonio Independent Christan Films. We talked about our summers, then all of the H’s and I went to Caribou Coffee. YUMMY. At this point it’s about 10:30 PM, and now we leave to take Stephen to the airport. I think in the car we realized just how tired we actually were… but we still managed to hold a somewhat intelligent conversation with Philip before falling off into goofy surface conversations. I got dropped off at home around 11:45 PM, and got to bed around 12:15.
It was so worth it, though, even though today was very very tiring.
Saturday was a farewell party for the R’s. 😦 They’re moving. It was fun, though. Daniel, Nate, Esther, Sarah, Philip and I went down to the park and larped and had a battle for the fort… and got weird looks from the neighbors. Then we came back and ate and talked.

2 goodbyes were said today… it’s somewhat sad living in a place where people go back where they came from in the summer. 😦 Next week we leave, same day as Surge3 goes to India.

– Ky


3 thoughts on “Just thinking.

  1. Eric Novak says:

    RYC: You’re welcome! I really can only design the site. The next step is up to God and whoever promotes the site. Thanks for posting about it!

    Btw, I linked to your blog in my latest post.



  2. courtneymichelle says:

    Hey Kyleian,
    I just found your blog through the link on Eric Novak’s blog, and I just wanted to say that I have really enjoyed looking at it!
    What you shared about fear was really great. Sometimes it’s really hard to overcome it. Sometimes when I think about what’s going on in the world and all the evil around us, I begin to feel a fear of the unknown. Fear of what’s going to happen and all. But I am always encouraged by this verse “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and discipline.” 2 Tim. 1:7
    So I will pray for you as you and I both try to overcome our fears! 🙂


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