Your Courage Asks Me…

We had a rather intense night of Horatio Hornblower a week ago. Candace and I were sobbing by the end of it, and most of us walked around rather shocked the rest of the evening, if not for a few more days. I won’t say what happened in case you watch the Hornblower movies (you should!), but something tragic did happen in The Retribution.

The movie left me thinking. If given the chance, would I give my life up for my friends? Would I?

This song started running through my head while the movie ended. It’s written by Sara Groves, and one of my favorites by her.

I saw what I saw
and I can’t forget it
I heard what I heard and I can’t go back
I know what I know and I can’t deny it
Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love

we’ve done what we’ve done and we can’t erase it
we are what we are and it’s more than enough
we have what we have but it’s no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul
I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I’m giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
your courage asks me what I’m made of
and what I know of love…

Since watching The Retribution, it’s like I’ve gained a whole new perspective on death. If someone had said “Penny for your thoughts?” I would have answered – in the words of Mr. Hornblower in The Duel – “Death… I was thinking on death.” In some ways, it’s like I can’t stop thinking about it, and I want to die and go be with God. But at the same time the realization of how present death is in the world has hit, and it’s like I want to cry all the time because everywhere there are people – who to their friends are more than just names, but are characters, memories, love – who are dying.
Yes, it makes me cry. And it makes me want to be free from this world even more.

It makes me wonder how much courage I have… and what I understand about self-sacrifice.  I have what I have and I’m giving it up… And that Christ did that for me… I want to cling to that – although it’s a morbid thought with ever-present death, it’s so beautiful and gives me hope and courage. Your pain has changed me… your courage asks me what I’m afraid of, and what I know of love…
Just think about it for a minute. Think about death. Think about life. Think about sin, and Christ, and sacrifice. Think about courage and fear. Think about hope and salvation.
Think about love.

Bail o Dia Ort,
Kyleigh

See? Better already…

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