I’m sorry to have been being so morbid recently… it’s been 3 weeks now since I’ve started almost always thinking about death. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, it’s not an “emo” sort of thinking about it. It’s thinking about my death, about how and why people die, about Christ’s death, about how I will die, about the people the people who die leave behind, about the millions of babies who die every year, about the people who in their sinful depravity don’t care about human life, only their selfish desires. And then you start to cry for how lost the world is, and for all of the people hurting in the world, and because all you can do about it is pray.
It’s one of those things you can’t stop thinking about because you can’t figure it out.
And then with thinking about death, I start thinking about AFTER death, and eternity, and how we can’t grasp eternity.
And when there’s a thought you can’t grasp or can’t get on paper, you keep trying until you can. It’s been like that lately.
Cait, mommy, and I watched Hotel Rwanda last night.
Afterwards we were talking about it with daddy in the kitchen, and about a comment the newsreporter made, that the people would see it, then go back to eating their dinner.
Death has become amusing. It’s so far from us we don’t truly grasp it, and because of the way it’s portrayed and the way that television has become amusing in every way, that’s all it is, and that’s all we want, we don’t want to wake up and realize that it’s horrifying, not amusing, the way people who have no regard for the sanctity of life butcher each other.
I read a book called “Amusing ourselves to Death,” recently, by Neil Portman. I’d picked it up when we got back from Bahrain, because at the amusement park, I’d been contemplating amusement – and the way it used to be that people would see screaming in terror to be something they’d never want to happen, and how now people pay money to get scared, then do it again.
It’s terrifying how now everything has to be amusing to be “good,” or “worthwhile.”
It brings more tears to my eyes, crying for how lost the world is, how everywhere, every person you meet or you see drive by you on the road, or is stuck next to you in traffic – is going somewhere, and most are going to hell, yet they don’t care or haven’t a clue.
It brings tears to my eyes just sitting here, thinking about it. It’s so overwhelming you just keep wanting to repeat it to someone, tell more people.
It makes you realize Christ’s sacrifice so much more, and makes you so overwhelmed you want to tell everyone, but it’s so great you can’t comprehend it and can’t find the words to say.
Keep thinking about it. Let me know your thoughts – on all 3 of these last few posts.
And pray. Pray a lot.
Bail O Dia ort,
I know these last 3 posts have been rather heavy… I HAVE been doing more than sitting around philosophising about death. 😉 I will have a lighter post up soon, about what we’ve been up to…