I remember another post titled trust, not too long ago.
God’s like that, impressing a lesson on you again and again ’till you get it.
I’m like that, too, where I leak and forget that lesson almost immediately.
I was writing Teresa the other day about all of this, about trust, and trust, and trust again. I wish it were not so hard for me to trust Him. I know that it shouldn’t be, but somehow it is.
There is so much unknown in my life right now – so many options for after I graduate, so many options for now… do I pursue a degree via collegeplus, or ditch the idea for now? Do I work toward becoming a certified piano technician? Go live with Aunt Kathryn and Uncle Bob and help homeschool? How many music exams should I pursue this year? Why do so many people have to be moving right now (I’m not ready to say goodbye again, God!)? Will I get to have the blessing of being at Csehy again? Why can’t I find an oboe teacher like Mrs. Rawleigh, but over here?
God made me laugh out loud the other day.
I was complaining (sigh) about oboe lessons and the size of our Well Group the other day. Oboe lessons, in an email to Mrs. Rawleigh, Well Group, mostly to God. Mrs. Rawleigh’s reply? “Many times God asks us to make the best of a situation.”
My oboe lessons and Well Group have been so much better.
It seems like such a simple lesson, but it’s not. I wish it was, I have to learn it so many times!
I told Teresa this in my email to her:
“I know I need to stop and leave it up to Him, but I’m scared to. I know I have no reason to be, but trusting someone with everything is scary – though only He deserves to be trusted with everything. But I’m scared that He won’t make it possible for me to go [to Csehy] next year.
I know that He has a plan in them moving, and Csehy next year, and that that plan is perfect. Pray for me, Teresa, that I’d have Blind Confidence in His plan! I know that it is perfect, but my heart has yet to say ‘Amen’ because I’m scared of what it might mean for next year… Something else that God challenged me with as to trusting Him was the hymn ‘How Firm a Foundation.’ especially the third verse, where it says – “The flame shall not hurt thee, I only desire, thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.” Whatever He does, He’s not planning to hurt us, only to make us more like Him and His son. I just wish this were a lesson that was easier to learn!”
My heart has started to say ‘amen’ since this email was written, but it’s still a struggle, a struggle involving tons of prayer.
Well Group the other night helped. We were studying John 6. Wow, is it deep.
Read verses 5-7, 20, and 21:
“Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that a large crowd was coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, “Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?” He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, “Two hundred denarii would not buy enough bread for each of them to get a little.'”
So, there goes Jesus, leaving these things unknown, even though He knows them, so He can test me.
And what do I do? I look to myself and the tangible, rather than Him.
” But he said to them, “It is I; do not be afraid.” Then they were glad to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going.”
They trusted Jesus, and immediately He got them there.
Confirm to your servant your promise, that you may be feared!