All I Want

{the fruit of a quiet evening with Christ after a day of chasing after the wind. This doesn’t really have anything to do with Christmas, as far as ‘wanting’ goes, but He happens to be using Christmas to teach it to me}

There’s something beautiful about Friday nights in December in Dubai. It’s not just the cool breeze and color streaked sky while playing volleyball, or the delightful shrieks and laughter of Indian Poker and Pit. It’s not quite even hot rooibos chai masala tea in our biggest mug, sipped while curled up with a volume of dear Anne Shirley (those books are so dear and charming – not all there theologically, but so real and close cutting). It’s not quite the thrill of Frisbee on the morrow or plotting sewing surprises. It isn’t even family worship on mom and dad’s bed and Christmas eve feast planning. It’s not looking down on a quiet, fairy-light lit street and wishing for snow, or at least rain, as you press your face up against the cool glass.

No, it’s the emptiness of a broken world, the heart-ache at the end of the day that leads you to longing to be with the Bridegroom adn encourages sweet communion and intercession. It’s knowing how near He is as your heart breaks for the unsanctified Church, Haiti, unsavefd family, and ones you love whose struggles are so near and deep.
It’s in those moments of distress where you kneel at the chair and lay your head down in weariness as you pray – that’s when He is most near, when you remember how unworthy you are of His love, care, and compassion, and how much all you want… is Him.

Amid the Christmas flurry, the food, fellowship, laughter, surprises… cool mornings of gardening and running, sunny afternoons of music and family, soft evenings of reading and movies… yet He draws me to Himself, saying time and time again that these things are not worth living for. And I turn back, pleading only for Him, and never wanting to leave being alone with Him. I come to Him saying “I am so tired, and weary.” But the rest of heaven is not so longed for except for the toil on earth. It’s so hard, when all you want is Christ and yet no one near you seems to be pursuing that same desire and seems quite in love with the world… and when you have to fight your own sin to get to Him.
Is He not so beautiful?
And He is mine, my Betrothed, and we are His, His Bride.
I must go to Him; He is all I want.


3 thoughts on “All I Want

  1. Kate says:

    Oh Kyleigh, how blessed I was to read this just now. You aren’t alone! The Lord is drawing hearts to Him from all around the world! I too have wondered if I was aching alone, but am starting to see movement in the Lord’s Bride – your post only adds more to my joy! I’ve been listening and listening to sermons by Eric Ludy (on his Ellerslie website), and they’ve been so encouraging. I have a feeling that they might be a blessing to you too.


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