Persevere

{written April 23, 2011}

When I finished the piano tuning course by ASPT’s standards? I’m now not motivated to work to really be able to tune the piano. I haven’t tuned in almost a month. Other things in life have gotten in the way. It’s discouraging; it’s taking more time than the people selling the course made it out to be. And now it’s taking time away from other things I’m wanting to get done. And it’s harder than I thought it’d be.
Persevere. (soon, I’ll fix that rattle that drives me bonkers. And then tune all the unisons that are out. And then I can try to get it back in tune all the way. Dad and I talked a lot about it last night).

When parking a car? Too much going on at once. I feel like my brain will explode. I can’t focus on all that new stuff all at once. But it’s slowly, slowly getting easier.
Persevere. (And daddy said this is the hardest part).

When Mommy is sick, Daddy gone for 2 days. I didn’t really want to spend a 3rd and 4th and then 5th day cooking, cleaning, and being in charge of schooling.
Persevere. (It was worth it).

When Mommy is getting better. I’m tired, and feel like everything I do is little and am not motivated to keep serving.
Persevere. (Yet I learn again that in pouring out of self is when you’re most filled).

When you have 4 more movements to convert to string quintet. Those moments when creativity fails you.
Persevere. (The third movement of seven has turned out beautifully).

When the gunk on the back of the stove just won’t come off.
Persevere. (It’s off now).

When you have one mile left to run and are soaked in sweat and tired and it’s getting hot and the sun is beating down.
Persevere. (You feel so wonderful later).

When the garden is just hanging on to life and it seems worthless to water.
Persevere. (There’s always next year to try again).

When there’s no oboe related goals on the horizon and so practicing seems unimportant.
Persevere. (My playing of the Krommer Oboe concerto and Saints-Saens sonata are so much better after this week).

When there’s still more laundry to be done, and nobody’s ironed anything for a month so the rack is full.
Persevere. (the rack is empty now).

When you miss that cousin of yours and know you won’t make it to his 18th birthday celebration and don’t seem to have time to write that letter for his birthday…
Persevere. (the letter is underway. And I still miss him tons).

When all the conversations around you are trivial and everyone else is talking to someone and you’re alone and you miss those couple of true and dear friends.
Persevere. (And be thankful for those few friends).

When you can’t seem to guard your thoughts and keep judging and thinking impurely and sinning.
Persevere... (we are righteous in Christ, and aided by the Spirit.)

When prayer seems all stiff request and not fellowship and worship, adoration, thanksgiving, confession, and pouring out of need.
Persevere. (I’m learning).

When there seems to be no more self to pour out.
Persevere. (Then He fills us).

When all that… yet daddy is there to give me a hug and thank me for helping and encourage me, and emails to write to encourage others and have fellowship even from far away… and little children who fight over who gets to sit by you, and the kitchen smells like rye and rosemary focaccia and little girls are decorating sugar cookies and you’re swing dancing to the James Bond theme playing in your head, remembering that wonderfully strange feeling of playing the last bit of the last movement of Elgar during YOME – the joy that kind of music brings, but also the sadness knowing a wonderful week is almost over, when you remember that there’s always tomorrow to get more done… and when at the end of the day you sink into your perfect, comfortable glider, to pray and read scripture, then find that wonderful, dark room and warm bed with clean sheets, and sleep.
And then it’s Friday morning and time for gathering with the church, a sermon encouraging us to look ahead and live with a heavenly focus, and fellowship at the Neal’s house and volleyball, and Isaiah 46 and “The Foundling.” And when I wake up, to go for a run and worship Him and be with Him, then eat breakfast all together for the first time in a while… and then to read this encouragement from Kate.

I used to think nothing of commands to persevere and not grow weary. I enjoy everything I do, and until recently, all of that came fairly easily. I understand better now. This past week was very hard. But He is good and faithful.

“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities6 are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
– 2 Peter 1:3-11.

Pro Christo,
Kyleigh

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2 thoughts on “Persevere

  1. James Dunn says:

    Kyleigh, I just read this at the end of the most discouraging day I’ve had in nearly a year. I was tuning a piano this morning — a baby grand over 100 years old. Basically, it fell apart on me as I was tuning it; one of the keys snapped in half, and I had to take the action apart to pull it out so I could glue it back together, and then I couldn’t get the action back together because all the parts were catching on each other. Well, the owners had enough, being worried that I would permanently damage their piano, and I was essentially fired, in addition to having to pay for another technician to clean up my mess.
    Basically, yesterday I felt like my life was over, my career as a piano technician was over — I thought about finding someone to sell all my tools to, and just be content making minimum wage and eeking out a miserable existence for the rest of my life. My internal hysteria calmed after a bit, but I’ve pretty much been miserable all day. I’ve replayed the events in my mind over and over again. I feel like my reputation has been damaged forever. I’ve never felt such a strong desire to just quit. To quit everything.
    And then I read what you’ve written about persevering.
    I am encouraged.
    Immensely.
    Thank you for writing this.
    And may the Lord bless you richly, even as He already has.

    Like

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