As I was putting together this quilt, lots of things had the potential to be falling apart.
I was on what felt like a major time crunch when I was designing this quilt. Cait and Joel had just announced they were moving, and I wanted to get it done before they left. I had the fabric but no idea what I wanted to do with it. The patterns I was looking at just didn’t work with the fabric, but it did help gather some ideas. Once planned, it was fairly quick with mass production of about 140+ little triangles, lots of little squares and rectangles, and some bigger squares. I really enjoyed making it, especially because once I was quilting, it gave me time to rest and think and pray, and catch up on watching a few things I’d bookmarked – like 180, and a Spurgeon movie.
But even so, I was overwhelmed with the long list of things I wanted to get done. Most of those things had to be pushed aside to make room for more time practicing, tuning, and helping others. No writing, no composing, little spare time for reading… Joel and Cait were moving. I was practicing the same scales and arpeggios over and over again trying to get them right, and furiously ironing out wrinkles in pieces for an oboe exam – wrinkles that never wanted to get out (and some of them never did get out. F# harmonic minor, I never want to play you again). Then were troubles with an accompanist, and no time to really enjoy our early Thanksgiving or prepare anything extra special for our later Thanksgiving.
The lists were growing and time wasn’t.
Editing books for the third time, new ideas for things, more quilts, more social functions, temperaments that won’t stay set…
One night I was especially worried about my oboe exam, mostly because of issues with the accompanist I’d had originally. I was talking about it with someone at church, and his words helped me see this as an opportunity to trust God. This was a situation that was out of my hands – but not out of God’s.
I had heard someone pray recently for opportunities to trust God. I wondered at that. Why would anyone WANT that? Situations where we have to trust Him are HARD places to be.
But I kept thinking about that and have begun to pray it for myself and others. It’s a scary thing to pray because we don’t know exactly what it will mean – but it makes us more like Him to trust Him more, which makes it worth it, even if we have to give up things we love for a season or forever.
I have a note sitting on my computer that says: “Trusting God and choosing faith doesn’t necessarily mean that our yearnings will change – it just means that our priorities change. It doesn’t mean that our desires necessarily change, but now we will the will of God above our own passions.”
I don’t know the outcome of a lot of this yet, and may not for some time.
But I’ve come to realize that a lot of trust is resting, and waiting on God. We like to have things in our own hands, and like them to be done now. This is a time to rest and let them be in His hands and in His timing.