I had hoped around this time to be posting a release date for Love Victorious, and it seemed for most of the year that it was going to be ready for release before the baby was born (my goal). I did my editing of it and sent it off to a few people to look over, and in the meantime started reading through Hope Victorious with the plan of starting to edit that.
But as I read Hope Victorious, I started seeing a lot of deep problems with it, especially as I read feedback on Love Victorious. For a while I felt like Love Victorious was salvageable, but Hope Victorious was not. As time went on, I started seeing a lot of more problems with the writing in Love Victorious, thanks to people who were willing to give me true and honest critiques from a writing perspective.
I spent a lot of time thinking and praying about writing and discussing my stories with Ezra and Megan.
One of the big things I realized is that lately writing (mostly the editing) has just been work and stress, another “to do” instead of for enjoyment or a sense of “calling” (too strong of a word, but can’t think of the right word). I think I was working on stuff to get it done on a certain timeline – timeline being S dropping her naps in 2-ish years, and feeling like I needed to do something with my stories because of all the work I’d put into them in the past that I didn’t want them just ending up only on my computer.
I’ve struggled with that sort of thing before, and I think in part it’s due to a combination of being task-oriented and stuff like “Do Hard Things” – I want my life to count for something… but have to really work to remember that the most important “something” is not my list of accomplishment but loving God & loving others (the greatest commandment).
That, combined with plot holes, flat characters, and a variety of other things have led to today’s update not being that Love Victorious will be released on x day but that I’m putting those stories aside.
Someday I may pick them up to re-write them – not just overhaul like I have done multiple times, but to really sit down and start again from almost-scratch – but I don’t know if I’ll ever have the time and energy to really do that properly, and so many of the flaws are so deeply ingrained in the story, because even though my writing grew, I kept going back to try and fix the same thing over and over… like trying to touch up an old painting instead of just re-painting it or moving on to something else.
My writing has grown so much since 2006 when I first created Edaled and started writing the Victorious trilogy. I have learned so much, and lately some of that is when to put things away and move on. I am not done writing at all… definitely not! But as my time for writing decreases, I want to put my effort where it will really be worth it, so am focusing on my blog and a few other projects. I will also be trying to “study” creative writing more, since that’s something I never really did, and then take what I learn and put it into practice, with new stories and editing some short stories and more recent longer ones (like Javi’s Cafe).
Honestly, having let the Victorious trilogy go has felt really freeing. I do have to be more careful not to waste time during nap time now, but I don’t think I realized how much of a burden it had become and how little my heart was in it until I decided it wasn’t time for them right now. And hopefully all of this will lead to posting more writing on my blog and ApricotPie!