We went camping “for” Mother’s Day: I wanted a few days away from the pull of chores, computer, dishes, etc. to really enjoy just being together. Ever since Ellie was born I have felt a lot of tension in those areas, especially with giving both girls enough attention, and have found myself really struggling with what exactly discipline with S looks like as we move into her starting to be able to teach her what’s going on in her heart (but without her fully understanding it yet), and throw in the internet and the tension was even greater.
So we camped, unplugged, with nothing on the agenda except a hike a day and hanging out and eating, and we did a lot of that and it was nice (we also did a lot of hiding in the tent or under the tarp in the biggest downpour we’ve had since moving here).
But even without those distractions I still struggled to give my attention to the girls and love on them in their way (ie, Corduroy AGAIN). Yes, lack of sleep and the cold made me really cranky but it wasn’t an excuse. I kept thinking of something I had read earlier in the week about not sabotaging your own mother’s day by what you expected, and here I was sabotaging my own while trying to prevent that from happening by trying not to make it about me… when it still was.
Because truly loving the girls means showing them love even when I don’t love how they make me feel, even when she’s asking the same question again and again and again. But in the end it isn’t even about saying “no” to myself and “yes” to S, but saying “no” to self and “Yes” to God’s commands to live in peace with everyone and to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit.
If I am the center of my mothering, then I get angry, irritated, and upset when my kids don’t make me happy or act how I want them to – and then that says to them that I am god and God is not enough.
If my kids are the center of my mothering, I become irritated and exhausted trying to meet their every need and keep them happy.
If, however, God is the center of my mothering, my concern is glorifying and obeying Him, raising them in the ways of God (which do include them learning love & self control but even more in putting Him forth as a glorious Savior), and in humility considering them as more important than myself because I see my true place in Him and am satisfied in Him.
Only in that frame of mind can I see clearly, love truly, be compassionate, and direct them on the paths they (we!) should go.
we found the “perfect” campsite – secluded but not too far from bathrooms, water, and trailheads, big but not more expensive, and opening onto the woods and not other campsites, which made it feel even bigger and meant S could explore while we cooked.