Everyone Says

When my pastor’s wife shared Proverbs 3:5-6 at my baby shower for S, I confess that I brushed it off. I felt that there was so much else she could have imparted from her wealth of wisdom. Why had she instead given me what at the time seemed like an over-quoted, cliché passage?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.”

I thought I already knew that.
But after our daughter came bursting into the world, I found myself clinging to what “everyone said” about the first six weeks being the hardest. But when week seven was worse than the previous six, I assumed it was hopeless. As we struggled to get her to sleep anywhere other than on our chests, I turned again and again to blogs, baby sleep books, and other moms. I struggled to accept my husband’s suggestions when they were different than what I had heard elsewhere.

When our second daughter was a few weeks old, I despaired amid postpartum depression. “Everyone said” the transition from one to two children was the easiest, and “everyone said” that despite my fears that I wouldn’t love my second, “you’ll love her immediately.” But that wasn’t how it was for me.

Somewhere along the way with baby #2’s tummy troubles, I stopped mid-google. Maybe I should pray first. I began to see the wisdom of my pastor’s wife’s words. Proverbs 3:5-6 may frequently be quoted in a trite, cliché way, but her application of it to the life of a new mom was not.

It isn’t generally wrong to seek out advice from wiser parents, look for kid-friendly food ideas on Pinterest, or ask Dr. Google for ideas on solving your 3-week-old’s copious spit-up. But we are out of balance when they become our first line of defense. The Bible does not have sleep training schedules, recipes for gluten-free dairy-free blueberry muffins, or a list of what you should cut out of your diet to ease baby’s digestion. But in scripture we find the framework for how God wants us to view rest, food, our attitudes towards our children’s difficulties, and relational priorities. Then through the Spirit and prayer, we can seek to align our hearts and desires with what we find in His Word.

The glimpses we catch of others’ “staged” lives on social media greatly influence our “understanding.” My Instagram feed contains much good in Bible verses, mom-encouragement, cute kids, and birth announcements. But the houses, clothing, and activities of my friends and heroes – without the tears and conflicts of my day – are infiltrating my vision of what our lives should be. We look away from the people and circumstances God has put us in. The pixels on the screen replace Christlikeness as the standard of a good mom.

Are you leaning on your own understanding of what your daily life as a mom should be, or are you driven by choices steeped in the word of God? What’s your gut reaction in a moment of crisis? Do you turn to prayer and scripture and see the situation through a biblical lens, or are you weighed down by some cultural ideal you’ve fallen short of?

Social media may give you the idea that you can do it all and be it all: all the gourmet meals (with a low grocery budget), all the playdates, all the magazine décor and uncluttered floors – while remaining the perfect wife, mother, and entrepreneur. It says everyone else has it all together. It claims easy fixes for your baby’s tummy or sleep trouble. It says you deserve a break for all of your labors.
But what God says is different, and this is what we are supposed to lean on in all our ways and with all our hearts.
God says you are a sinner, having fallen short of His standard, deserving only His wrath (Romans 3:23).
God says you are justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24).
God says you are His beloved child (1 John 3:1).
God says you are free from having to earn anything – whether the approval of men for “having it all” or His forgiveness (Ephesians 2:10).
God says we should submit to our own husbands, not fight with him over discipline because of a popular blog (Ephesians 5:22). (Though there is a time and a place for discussing changes in discipline with him!)
God says being a mother is a worthy task, with or without other work on the side (1 Timothy 5:10, Titus 2:4-5).
God says my kids’ ultimate need is to know Him, not animal shaped food and Pinterest-worthy playrooms. They need kindness and direction, not a mother who gives into their every whim (Ephesians 4:32, 6:4).
God says that caring for your body and soul are important (Luke 5:16, Mark 6:30-32), but so is pouring your life out for others (Philippians 2, Luke 6:38).
God says that more important than checking all the boxes is loving others by looking out for their interests, not my own (Ephesians 5).

Whose voice are you listening to? As you plan your week, are you relying on goals coming from your own understanding and desires? Or are your days shaped by a deep conviction of what your Heavenly Father wants for you and who He says you are? Put your hope in Him, not what everyone says.

When I think about adding a third child to our family someday, it is easy for me to dwell on my own understanding of what “everyone says” about the transition from two to three being the hardest. I can let that drive me to fear, or I can trust in the Lord. In His faithfulness, He will make all of our paths straight.

For further encouragement in this area, check out Risen Motherhood’s episode 36.

(And while I’ve applied all this to motherhood, it’s true in every area of life – just change the examples!)