(2018)
At the beginning of the year I mentioned my word for 2018 was “discipline.” It’s been neat to see how daily life, Bible study, classes, and other reading have converged to teach and grow me in that area. One of the most helpful things was a process for working through desires. This is a combination of a 3-step process from dealing with emotions put forward by Dr. Randy Roberts and the book Gospel Treason by Brad Bigney. I’ve listed more resources that contributed to this thinking at the end.
1. ADMIT your desires: This may take digging. As the tag line for “You Are What You Love” says, “you may not love what you think.” Our idols hide. Strong cravings, anger, irritability, and conflict are all signs that we love something. There are times when these emotions stem from godly desires. But most often, we experience them because we are desiring an idol more than God. So when you desire a second helping, find yourself on a Facebook binge, lose your temper when your child does something sinful (or even childish), or are irritated at your husband putting his dirty dishes in the wrong side of the sink, ask yourself: what does this reveal about what I truly love right now?
2. ASSESS your desires: Once you’ve identified what you are desiring, determine whether or not it’s a legitimate desire with legitimate intensity. Wanting your children to obey you is not wrong. In fact, it’s a biblical desire. But if you want them to obey you for your own ease and not because it’s what God wants for them, then it’s no longer a legitimate desire. Wanting to eat is also a good thing. But if all you can think about is eating what you want when you want it, it doesn’t have legitimate intensity. What does the Bible say about your desires? What should you be desiring, and why?*
3. ALTER your desires: In the moment of temptation, this usually looks like choosing to obey God even when we don’t feel like it. I may still really want a second (or third) piece of cake, but I’m going to choose not to because it wouldn’t be caring for the body He’s given me to steward. So I say no and remind myself of truth about God and how His love satisfies more than gorging myself on dessert. If you’ve already acted on an inordinate desire, then repentance is key here as well.
Altering desires is proactive as well. In order to desire God more, we must know Him more. This happens through worship and immersion in His Word, so that we desire Him more than our sin in the first place, and so that our emotions reflect His, not our own sin nature.
External stimuli and internal desires should lead us to acknowledge, assess, and if needed, alter our desires. This repeated process accumulates into habits, which in turn becomes our character. If our responses aren’t shaped by His Word, then we will continue to fall to sin. But if we reorient our desires to align with His, then our wants and trials will make us more and more like Christ.
*I often will try to fight checking social media by saying “I shouldn’t,” but not giving a specific reason. But I need to know why I shouldn’t in order for there to be any real growth in self-control. I also need to make sure that my “shouldn’t” reaches my heart, rather than being an external rule that is of no value against the flesh (Colossians 2:21-24). Is my heart set on Christ?
Resources:
Gospel Treason (Bigney)
A Chance to Die (Elliot)
You are What you Love (Smith)
True Feelings (Mahaney/Whitaker)
Love to Eat, Hate to Eat (Fitzpatrick)
Philippians
Colossians
Kyleigh Dunn 