(2017)
A number of people have mentioned to me that they have struggled with PPD but have never said anything publicly like I have, so I wanted to share a little about why I’ve decided to talk about it.
One of the reasons I share is because the feeling of everyone else having it together (thanks, social media!) while I was struggling was something that made the depression a lot worse and made me feel so alone – but I knew that the idea of everyone else having it easy wasn’t true and didn’t want to contribute to that cycle for others.
Another reason is that what I’ve read from others who decided to share was so helpful to me that I wanted to share what I could. There’s a lot that can be shared and said without going into a lot of details. Some things are too personal, others can be dangerous to say publicly, and other things would only have made my struggle worse by causing me to dwell on it or make it part of an identity – God’s child, not depressed, is who I am.
But the biggest reason I share is that I’ve been reading in the Psalms, and they are full of calls to speak about God’s faithfulness, to share about “His strength and His wondrous works that He has done” (Psalm 78:4). The idea that there could be another side, an end to the darkness, and truth to His promises was at times unfathomable but here on the other side, a year after it started getting really bad, the list of how He has been faithful and how He has worked in my life and our family is always growing.
“When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within,
Then I was senseless and ignorant, I was like a beast before You.
(maybe the best scriptural description of PPD?)
Nevertheless,
I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me,
And afterward receive me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…
…as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works.”
– Psam 73:21-28
Kyleigh Dunn 